- In order for an individual to abuse,
he or she is making a clear choice to do so. They do not
“lose it”, “lose control”, “blow
up”, etc. They are not “out of control”
– actually, they are in “hyper-control”
– meaning, they will do more control in order to get
you to do what they want.
- Abuse is not caused by drugs or alcohol
– it is caused by the individual’s belief system
that gives them permission to do harm.
- Stress, mental illness or anger does
not cause abuse - it is caused by the individual’s
belief system that gives them permission to do harm.
- Nothing you said or did caused him/her
to abuse you. Everyone has angry feelings, and many choose
not to hurt others because of it.
- Batterers generally blame others
for their feelings or problems. They lack accountability
in many areas and often will blame you for their abuse of
you.
- Batterers will try to isolate you
– keep you from the people and activities that are
important to you. They often do this in the guise of “being
for your own good.”
- Batterers are often jealous –
of other people you talk to, of your family members, friends,
and even your pets or children.
- Batterers can be either extremely
responsible or extremely irresponsible. Both are control
tactics.
- Batterers believe that every attempt
you make to be an equal is an attempt to control them, which
is their own perspective of relationships.
- Batterers who are in intervention
will often use the information they gather in the program
against you. If this occurs, you may contact the program
immediately and so advise them of this behavior.
- Completion of a program is no guarantee
that an individual will stop being abusive. Some individuals
stop the physical abuse, but become more gifted in emotional
abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse, sexual or use
of children to abuse you.
If you are dissatisfied with the information
you receive from a batterers’ intervention program,
you have the right to contact the local parole and probation
office or the family violence coordination council for the
county of your residence.
FOR REFERRAL TO A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT
GROUP,
PLEASE CONTACT THE FOLLOWING AGENCIES:
(503) 771-5503 Volunteers
of America, Home Free
(503) 232-7805 Bradley Angle House
(503) 640-5352 Domestic Violence Resource
Center
(503) 669-8350 El Programa Hispano (Spanish)
(503) 654-2288 Clackamas Women’s
Services
(503) 222-6222 Rafael House
(503) 234-1541 IRCO Immigrant Family Services
“There is
nothing I did that made him hurt me,
and there is nothing I could do to make him stop.”
-Loves Me, Loves Me Not |
